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Little Maya was all curly brown hair, doe-like dark eyes, and adorable in her shiny pink nightgown. Turn around and model that pretty ruffled gown, you gorgeous thing! And why not give them a sincere compliment to boost their self-esteem? Because they are so darling I just want to burst when I meet them, honestly. This week ABC news reported that nearly half of all three- to six-year-old girls worry about being fat. In my book, Think: A Miami mom just died from cosmetic surgery, leaving behind two teenagers.
This keeps happening, and it breaks my heart. Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments.
I let that show. Her eyes got bigger, and the practiced, polite facial expression gave way to genuine excitement over this topic. She paused, though, a little shy of me, a stranger. And it is, for a five year old. You go on with your bad self, Maya. Alas, it was about girls and what they wore, and how their wardrobe choices defined their identities. But after Maya closed the final page, I steered the conversation to the deeper issues in the book: I told her my favorite color in the world is green, because I love nature, and she was down with that.
Not once did we discuss clothes or hair or bodies or who was pretty. She was fairly psyched about that idea. That got her too amped up to sleep, and she came down from her bedroom a few times, all jazzed up. So, one tiny bit of opposition to a culture that sends all the wrong messages to our girls. One tiny nudge towards valuing female brains. One brief moment of intentional role modeling.
Will my few minutes with Maya change our multibillion dollar beauty industry, reality shows that demean women, our celebrity-manic culture? Try this the next time you meet a little girl. She may be surprised and unsure at first, because few ask her about her mind, but be patient and stick with it.
What does she like and dislike, and why? There are no wrong answers. For older girls, ask her about current events issues: What bothers her out there in the world? How would she fix it if she had a magic wand? You may get some intriguing answers. Tell her about your ideas and accomplishments and your favorite books. Model for her what a thinking woman says and does. Author Bio Lisa Bloom, author of Think: Often times, she has a message in there.
She has shirts with peace signs on them, and of course ones with horses. I agree with you. I think telling kids they picked a great outfit or have great taste is unisex. Plus, it reinforces individual decisions. Yes, and you can also make it specific. So if a girl or a boy, for that matter looks good, tell them so.
If you like their taste in books, tell them so. If they do really well at school, tell them so. I think a critically important point in the article is that the author restrained herself from making her first comment and compliment appearance based. Her first effort was to find some non-appearance related common ground to start the conversation. If a 15 year old dresses well; fine, acknowledge it, good for her, she probably had some say in the matter.
Hi Katie, I thought this article was very good and it really makes me think about what we admire in little girls, I think we need to have a balance in how much emphasis we put on how they look.
This is great and spot on. But certainly by the time I was 12 I was worried I was fat. Maybe you could gently guide the adult to a new way to interact with any child, really, by asking your girls to tell the person what their reading now or about a subject that interests your girls. I think this is a great idea. As a parent, we could help by introducing our child by name and an interest.
I think that is a great suggestion. It reinforces to our child ren that we recognize and honor their interest as well as encourages the adult or kid for that matter to engage them. As a father I often compliment my daughters and son because I want to help build self-esteem, be it around their outfit, artwork, politeness or anything else.
I am going to be much more mindful of what I choose to highlight now based on this article. I love the message. I have twin girls that are about to turn four years old. They love to dress up. My sister-in-law shared an important thought with me when our daughters, who are only 6 months apart, were very young.
So I have tried to emphasize that fixing their hair etc. But I appreciate the message here, and I hope to integrate this more deeply into our lives daily. I want reply to what you said because I think there is a nuance here that is important.
I appreciate what you are saying that your twin girls are beautiful, without adornment like nail polish or accessories. However, the point of the article goes beyond that. We are looking for other valuable qualities in our daughters, like perseverence, kindness, empathy. In my opinion it would be better to refrain from calling girls beautiful as much as possible. When calling one beautiful, I consider the loveliness of their mind and personality, as well. People have beautiful minds, they honestly do, and I would absolutely use the idea of beauty as praise for the innate qualities of a person.
In fact, I highly suggest it…because the only way we will ever steer the idea of beauty away from relating solely to physical appearance is by using it to describe what should be valued: As a child, I was not told I was beautiful. So please realize that your plan to never call a little girl beautiful may backfire. I have to agree with Holly. I have no issues valuing my intelligence, abilities and myself as a person, but am most shy in the physical beauty area something my parents never focused on.
However I think the article makes an excellent point and completely agree girls and women need to value themselves on MORE than looks. I absolutely agree with Holly and Alyssa. Would that someone had ever called me pretty growing up instead of only smart. I think the smart message has gotten through. I too, was not encouraged as a little girl by my Mother or told I was beautiful or important or smart. I too, was dismissed and dressed in clothes that were the first mismatched outfit and quickest pair of clothes to hurry up and get me ready.
Beauty, is not only outside but inside too! The point is about sexism. Do you talk to boys about their beauty, or do you discuss other things? Men are generally not judged on their appearance. Women always are judged on their appearance. Hopefully, your strategy for your daughters will give them more self-confidence and have less stake in their appearances, however, societal pressures will still have a great affect on how they value men and women.
It is difficult to counter this. And on their interesting thoughts, their interests and so on. For their appearence, mind, and soul. They share their love of gaming, reading, playing, jumping etc. And tell me that I am beautiful too. I have a lovely niece age 8. She is also beautiful, clever, funny, hard-working and interesting to be with. So I tell her the same things, and listen to her stories, thoughts, and dreams.
So, basically, all children need to be beautiful. Tell them that they are!/p>
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