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Needing company for a lonely night

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While the study was observational, which means firm conclusions cannot be drawn about cause and effect, it suggests that addressing loneliness could pay a major role in tackling the two major causes of death in wealthy societies.

We asked readers to tell us how social isolation affects both mind and body. Here are their stories. I feel lonely because I am living in another country to the one I grew up in and the culture is very different. I struggle with language barriers and lack of shared reference points. I am also going through difficult family stuff and live far away from close relatives and friends. This makes me feel alone; I feel like I am watching my mum fade away slowly due to illness. Loneliness has left me feeling anxious, and suffering from panic attacks and depression.

It has disabled me to the point that I am unable to hold down a job. My ability to plan and make decisions has also been affected. I feel I have lost the real me somewhere along the way. Physically, I feel dizzy and suffer from headaches as well as shortness of breath. I also have extreme exhaustion despite the days I have wasted in bed sleeping. I am a widow. All my family live in Holland apart from my son, who lives miles away.

Although I have friends, I have nobody to share my daily life with. I am mobile and drive but I end up spending a lot of time at home alone. Feeling lonely affects my mental health become it results in obsessive behaviour. Without other people around me, I live in my head too much. Physically, I have become less active and pine for interaction. It is either a care home or nothing. I live alone and always have.

I have never had a girlfriend and I am at the age now where all my friends are either getting married or having kids. The rest of my family are several hundred miles away. I have been fine until recently. But in the past 18 months I really have never felt so alone. If something goes wrong, I now find myself spending hours at home alone thinking about it.

My resilience seems to have disappeared. I have always been fit, running countless half marathons and even a full marathon, as well as play football regularly. I suffer from social anxiety and find it impossible to forge connections with people. I would desperately like to have friends and a relationship but I have no idea how to achieve this.

I feel like I am completely unloveable. I have suffered on and off from depression since my early 20s, much of which stems from my social phobia and isolation.

I often feel tired and lethargic as a result. I am unable to keep and make plans due to the unpredictability of an illness I suffer from. I miss family functions. My daily goal is to get to work for eight hours, and the rest of the time I am either sleeping or lying down because of the pain I experience. I am shut off, growing more and more depressed. I am almost always alone and in my head and I fear I am going crazy. Loneliness also affects me physically: I catch bugs easily because I am stressed.

I desperately want to have the energy to socialise and be a friend, but I am unable to get better. I am single mum with no help and no time for myself. Loneliness makes me feel low all the time and I think about my past too much rather than enjoying the here and now. I have no motivation.

This means I have put a lot of weight on, which affects my health. I am single and have been for a number of years.

I also find myself becoming angry and feeling mentally drained. What difference will it make? It sounds simple but all I want is to meet someone who wants to share time and experiences with me. All names have been changed In the UK, the Samaritans can be contacted on In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 Hotlines in other countries can be found here. Mental health Health comment.

Order by newest oldest recommendations. Show 25 25 50 All. Threads collapsed expanded unthreaded. Loading comments… Trouble loading? Loneliness is a silent killer we need to fight together Richard Pennycook. Workplace loneliness is a real problem. For 45 hours a week I feel isolated Anonymous.

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Loneliness Quotes ( quotes)

I don't even like thinking about it really, but I'll try to. I don't know, fear? I have to confront my potential and the fact that I'm not living up to? It doesn't feel right? I don't feel ready? I don't think I deserve that much? I think I'd have to study for longer first? I'm the same way. I also see opportunities like this, but have a hard time going for them.

About six months ago, I started trying to make one major upside shot per month at millions of dollars. My buddy yesterday, we were talking about all of this at a Chinese restaurant, eating fried chicken, vegetables, and shrimp with excellent iced Chinese tea. I wonder if I'm crazy sometimes.

Why aren't other people trying? I keep layering success on top of success, my life is so weird and interesting and cool and crazy, but I don't have any particularly rare talent. I just do a bunch of stuff that might work, and won't hurt too bad if it doesn't work.

Hell, I offer to make people money for free, draw up a simple clearly workable business plan, offer to help out. A few months ago, a guy I'd been correspondong with for a while wrote to me. I had already asked him, "What are you working on? How can I help? He told me about a service business he wanted to start, and how it would have all these amazing benefits, and how he'd charge these ridiculously low rates to start to get his first clients, and then he'd be an entrepreneur.

I wrote back, telling him it was a great idea and giving him my thoughts on where to start, some points to consider, and otherwise just being really impressed. He's obviously thought this through and ideas were workable. And I wrote him a second email and said I'll be his first client, I'll pay exactly what he's asking, we can start whenever he wants, and I'll help him hammer out the concept a little bit too. He's a good guy and I think he'd have done good work.

Mind you, this is a guy I'd already known some, we'd swapped emails and chatted on the phone some. I don't know, who am I to judge?

But it seemed like he had a dream, but as soon as his dream was about to become a reality he kind of pissed his pants or something. I do it too, you know. Metaphorically piss my pants sometimes in the face of opportunity. Though I'm trying to stop doing that. And maybe this little countryside area is the answer. The guy who said he's not willing to put in the effort to control his own income, to make more per hour than he's currently making, and improve his quality of life.

Though, we'll going to try to do something about that and kick each other's asses. The guy who pitched me on his service business and I said I'd hire him for it exactly as he described and pay exactly what he was asking, and be cool about it as he worked the kinks in his business out.

The second guy I mentioned, the effort guy? He's got coworkers right now he can commiserate with who understand him. The business idea I mentioned to him doesn't exist as far as I know right now, and there's a demand for it.

I'm sure there's a demand for it. And his income is such that even with a low price point he could still make 2x-3x what he's making now and fulfill a market need. Then he's the only guy doing this thing. People won't understand him as much. If you keep taking all those edges that no one else will, pretty soon your neighbors don't understand you, can't understand you.

I didn't mention this earlier, but when I first arrived at this train station I cried for the first time in three years. Normally I can't cry. Like, tears just won't come. I don't think that's a good thing. Control your emotions in public, but express yourself in private. Sometimes I've felt down and wanted to cry, but I never could, no matter what happened and even if the situation called for it.

Last time I did was But I arrived here and I hear the birds and cicadas, and I see all the wonderful green land and clean air, and I see these wonderful nice kind people living their lives, and that all really harmoniously truly understand each other. And it looks really, really nice. A lot less neurosis and conflict and striving and fighting forwards. I think I'll get there. I'll keep identifying the currents and ways forwards, building my skill, being useful, and I'll try to hit the required channels and deliver the value.

And I'll just keep going. And it should work. Maybe I'm crazy, but the math and logic seem to work. What a fitting ending to my writing - a young suburban mom and her little daughter have arrived and are joking around and having fun. They look so happy and lighthearted. I've done a lot and I'm really just getting started. But the more you do, the further away you get from being understood, from the joys of normal life, from being understood by your neighbors and backing each other up and living together harmoniously.

The million dollar question Why don't they allow their dreams to become realities? Because it means you won't be understood. And we need to be understood, fundamentally, it's so important to us. Maybe that's not the whole answer. But a big part of it. I cried when I realized that's what it was. Like when a hero dies at the end of the movie while succeeding in their quest. It's sad and joyful at the same time. There's loss, but what's being done has gotten done.

Marshall is pleased to announce The Strategic Review , which looks at the methods of historical leaders ranging from Meyer Rothschild to Julius Cesar to John Rockefeller, and everyone in between. You'll also learn from rising leaders on the best tactics and operations from their field. Get your copy of TSR for free today at thestrategicreview. Read the whole post without being distracted.

Had vivid images on my mind. Can't believe you nailed such a big part of it. We had to force ourselves to hang up the conversation 'cause we wanted to keep chasing those crazy good opportunities we have right now. I mean litteraly sitting down and doing the first 30 seconds of a task seems SO impossible to them, they have to over-analyze everything and wait for the perfect conditions, which never come see the best procrastination tip ever here: You become understood again.

Seb, you must be getting quite a lot out of your blog on this subject. We can feel it too in your writings. I really enjoyed this post! There is one other thing I think maybe you didn't take into consideration, though. While people may say they really want this thing, sometimes it's more the idea of being able to do it that has become the dream—once they start putting in the work, it's work, but prior it's fun and dreamy.

Brilliant, I think its about being alone, being left alone because you're not understood and the fear of being isolated from others.. I suffer from this all the time. At the moment I have no problems, not real responsibilities, go to class, get A's. Other than that its just go to work, don't get fired, take care of the kids then do whatever.

When it comes down to it, it just isn't really that bad. I mean really think about it. If you live in a first-world country you never really have problems, all of them are man made. But other than those life is simple. Sometimes I think, why start a business and travel when i could just graduate, get an executive job, and earn k and play video games when I'm not working? It would relatively effortless, the path is already drawn out, the income is steady, my only responsibility is to not get fired.

Complacency is Huge, In my opinion its whats killing first world countries and allowing third world and emerging countries to rapidly progress. They have something to strive for, their work is their life, they know they have to devote there time and energy to standing, out, they know they have to work twice as hard to make up for it. Alas, its as george leonard says in the book mastery the concept of Plateau. In the first world, the amount of effort required to advance in terms of freedom or anything is more and more unseemly because one can be comfortable relatively easily.

A similar proverb in english is "better rabbit in hand that in the bush". Coming in real late to the party here but I think Andrew is on the right track regarding the 'other components' of why most people don't take optimal opportunities. Most of the 'normal' people like myself more or less I dare say are simple and purpose driven. Purpose driven in that unless we need to do something we will ought not to do it aka complacency. Comfort zones play a big role as well.

As much as people "complain" about how they're not wealthy they don't hate it enough to do something about it.

In the first world getting the basic levels of comfort are easier than in the third world. Though I dare think in the third world if they reached a certain level of comfort that they deemed 'satisfactory' for them then their bullheaded relentlessness and ambition would suddenly be sapped as well. It is an interesting thing to think about. Sebastian says in his post he won't be happy until he hits the 40M marker.

Let's say he does achieve that. Would he go on to aim for something higher or would he just collapse and become 'normal' like the rest of us? I think it only makes you more confused if you're not the type of person to look for opportunities and someone like Sebastian Marshall tells you they're everywhere. Of course they are. But does that mean everyone should take them?

Each of us has different values and understandings of life, what's important for them etc. Sebastian's values are, at least right now, look for opportunities, think big, produce, serve. But that's not the whole world - that's just Sebastian.

I'm reading a lot about ego these days, so excuse me if I'm a bit biased but I think lots of the issues we're talking about here have to do with ego.

The values and fears we're discussing are ego-driven - me, me, me. How can something be lost if you never even put any value to it? The guy simply didn't take it, that's it. You're the one putting value to it, not him.

I'm not sure if you really want to go the Japanese suburb path though. You have money and credentials and skills and connections and inspirations - quite a lot of resources, at least in your world.

But the resources you have and the resources the Japanese have, have nothing in common like different currencies, or speaking different languages - so I don't think you can even compare the two situations.

The drama is, once you're exposed to the information and resources and opportunities, and you've grown up with these values talking about the Western culture , there's pretty much no going 'back' - simple rural life just doesn't fit your mindset anymore. But the rural people who never get to find out about these things, they only know about what's around them - and live with it happily.

There's no more they could ask for - of course they're happy they have most of what they know. We're the ones exposed to too much information - which makes us want more, set higher expectations, and be easily disappointed when we don't get it. The more we read, the more we think, the more disconnected we are from the present - thoughts are either past- or future-driven I read that somewhere.

I think that's the difference between the people living close to the nature living in the now and the urbanized culture - studying past concepts and future ideas, but often forgetting about the present. I'm 72 with a PhD in Nuclear Physics.

I've been a researcher, a tech manager, a president, president and CEO of a small space company and since a senior tech consultant.. Every Friday i hold a videocon with three fellow grad students to discuss difficult physics concepts, but it's a way to waste time. We know this country aches for experienced folks like us, but we no longer get any phonecalls from the young 'uns that control the tech world..

They'd rather, I think, make their own mistakes. We dont want to get into the 8 to 5 ratrace and feel very comfortable working fron our home offices and go to the required occasional meetings, wherever they may take place.. Any suggestions for us? Hi Sebastian, I found your blog today, through a link on a post by Mark Manson, whom I discovered through another blogger and web search while reading about purpose and meaning, investigating different points of view and takes on it.

You have an interesting post here, with some thoughts about what makes people not take risk or opportunity. One of your conclusions is that fear of not being understood is behind some of our reluctance to be our best and fulfill our potential, that being understood is fundamentally important to us.

I would respectfully disagree, or at least reformulate somewhat what you assert. In my opinion and experience wearing my Psy. I would suggest that your idea of needing to "be understood" is more about needing to belong, to be like everyone else, part of a tribe, and possibly about needing meaning in one's life, for one' activities and actions to mean something, ideally to serve some cause greater than one's self, but now we're getting into details and semantics.

Many people do just fine without being "understood" by others, as long as they themselves find meaning and value in what they do. Belonging however, and the dangers of social isolation, are real and important for us as a species of social animals, as is love, building real and significant relations with others.

Whether or not we're ever understood: I want to understand as much as I can about the world, and taking out of the way routes - especially through important border towns - teaches a lot.

Often, you can manage a route like this in a way that's much less expensive than direct flights. Yes, time is money, but money is also money. About a week ago I woke up and got out of the RV, which I've had parked on the same street for the better part of the last five months.

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Come read my first post! I just started a new blog and I'd love to know what you think. Replies to your posts Loading This blog requires JavaScript for anything besides reading. Learn how to turn it on. A mix of confusion and awe as I step off the platform. I must have made a mistake. But maybe a good mistake. Children are running around and playing in the park, but surprisingly quietly. The train I'm supposed to take arrives, but I let it pass.

I'll sit a while. Your email address will not be published. I've had a scam email through at work today which initially had me hooked but I pretty quickly realised it was fake. I'm a Buyer for a company and my boss is on holiday vacation for my non-British friends. My boss is dyslexic and his emails can often be poorly written with bad spelling, punctuation etc.

Anyway, today I had an email saying it was from him and saying he wanted to treat all of our staff to I-tunes gift vouchers a bit unusual but pretty plausible. The email was poorly written so I didn't think anything was particularly off. I started looking at how to do it, even rang Apple Customer Support for advice on how best to do it which was a pretty useless exercise no surprise there!

I emailed 'my boss' back saying I was having difficulty and wouldn't Amazon vouchers be better as not everybody has Apple devices. I then had a reply saying I was to go to the nearest Tesco store and buy physical gift cards then email them to him! So I sat there and thought, he's gone off his rocker! So I called my boss who, not surprisingly didn't have a Scooby what I was talking about lol. So for the last hour or so I've been having an email conversation with my fake boss ha ha.

I told him I have the gift cards and now he wants me to scratch off the pin panel, photograph them and send him the photos. I keep saying wouldn't it be easier if you just hang on until you return from holiday tomorrow, but he's insistent I send them.

I've now told him that I have to go back to Tesco and buy a disposable camera because my Great Dane sat on my phone and cracked the screen. I've got a nice picture lined up to send him when the right moment comes ha ha. Joking aside, this actually isn't funny. You've got to be constantly on your guard as the scammers get more and more imaginative.

But after talking for a couple of weeks, he keeps asking me to buy him itune cards. Of course red flags went up. I talked to someone via this hangouts app via google. I met him on social media on meetme. He went by Pete Myers, but literally someone could scam you via any name male or female. Anyways, he wanted me to do him a "favour" spelled that way. I asked what it was he wanted and eventually he said that he wanted to buy music via a card.

I thought it was random. I declined before he asked because something about him seemed fishy and he had all these delayed responses. He even tried calling me before at like midnight I told him that he sounded like he was from Nigeria which is a common place a lot of scammers are from.

He tried buttering me up, but I saw through his act and quickly said I had to go. Erin, there is a site called twoo. They have a lot of those scammers. I met dozens and all were scammed asking me for Itune card.

When i saw too many asked me for Itunes Card, I start google it. I was lucky to find that site. So many lf them out there. I was approached by a woman on Facebook from Sweden who said she was a soldier in Afghanistan. She said I was on her recommended friend's list. We exchanged emails several times then switching to Google Plus to chat. Her Facebook profile looked legit. She said she was a nurse at the joint armed forces base. I probably chatted with her for about two weeks until she asked me to send her an iTunes gift card.

I searched her name on Instagram and it came up as someone in Nigeria. As soon as she mentioned an iTunes card I knew it was a scam! I confronted her about it and she denied everything I told her She tried to contact me a couple more times but I just ignored any messages after that.

This happened to a man i know. In my country you are conned into buying cellphone airtime and then he phones you to give him the pin, all the while claiming to have a breakdown on his machinery and totally desparate for help. My friend only lost R,00 when i twigged. My mother fell for this but we were quick to telephone Apple and have the cards marked as fraud! However, a week later when we phoned to check on the return of monies we were told by our representative that a new employee at Apple had somehow "unlocked" the cards and the money was now gone!

She said there was nothing she could do about it and the employee would be reprimanded. There is this guy named Russell Nickles last name May be spelled wrong has been trying to get me to buy ITunes cards in the chance to get a large sum of money from the United Nations and the Bill and Melinda gates foundation. Says they are for activation to get this money. He told me not to tell anyone. I think he even cloned one of my friends so he could talk me into buying these cards. I haven't given him anything.

I am reporting him to messenger. I thought maybe it was my kids but they never had my debit card connected to their accounts. So what do I do? Like I've done many times before I Google the phone number for iTunes customer service to call them and straighten out the situation. Long story short, I called the number and was told that my bank account was used to make fraudulent purchases with Apple.

They said they had to transfer me to a specialist in their fraud department to start the reimbursement process. Since I made the call to them I wasn't skeptical at all. I mean, why would anyone feel like their being scammed when you've actually initiate the contact? They literally had me go to the store to purchase cards so they could "safely" credit my account without any additional compromises to my bank card.

They said this was the only way to give me the cash back. Well, the joke was on me! To this day I have no idea how those scumbags accessed my debit card to make two purchases and somehow knew that I would Google a fraudulent iTunes customer service number and fall into their trap. Anyway, two pieces of advice I just read your story and my jaw hit the floor. This just happened to me today.

I'm so pissed that I could be so dumb falling for that. If this posts I want people to see the number that appeared on google when I searched for iTunes cusyomer service. Mary, you have my sympathy. It happened to me, too, and I am still kicking myself for falling for it.

It's kind of like we were hypnotized, isn't it? What happened to me was that I got a phone call from someone claiming to be from Apple saying that I had a virus on my computer. Because the phone number on my phone was the same as Apple's help phone, I thought it was real. But like the IRS, Apple never calls you if there is a problem. They'll send you a letter, I believe. The scammers were "ghosting" the phone number.

They even ghosted the URL of Apple's website. I stupidly let them have access to my computer to "check for viruses". They claimed I had a serious virus and wanted me to buy iTunes cards to download software to fix it. They then talked me into buying a couple of those damn cards. Fortunately, the hypnosis wore off. I changed my user names and passwords for my online accounts and had my computer virus checked. I have a freeze on my credit records, which also helps.

I put all my sensitive data like tax records onto an external drive and from now on will only have it on my computer if I'm working on it. If it's important, they'll leave a message. Dating site got me too. Said he was in the military and couldn't get off base while in my town.

Then he was supposedly deployed overseas. Where he crushes his phone weightlifting and needs new ITunes for the new phone. All the while his text seemed off. But he seemed so nice and text me day and night and all throughout the day. I finally figured it out. Haven't told him off yet. After my husband of 20 years does. I feel very vulnerable and he saw that and took advantage on the dating site. I'm now jadded but learned a valuable lesson. One lady introduced me as combat engineer in army and she said she is in Georgia army base.

I said, I will meet in person, she said she was deployed suddenly to Syria. Today she asked me for more and I felt something fishy Sadly I'm in love with her. Oh Jim, run, don't walk, to the nearest exit. She is clearly a scam artist and she's laughing at you for falling for her. Getting requests from dating chat rooms to buy an iTunes card for an "urgent" issue.

I cut them off. I don't "lend" money to anyone, ever. I've had this happen several times on Twitter. As soon as they mention iTunes gift cards I block them. Do they think I'm stupid? Is she scamming me on wire messenger? Should l do this for her birthday gift?

I have gotten a message via th messanger saying they claimed their prize and while doing so came across my name in the list of winners. Said it was completely free. Then they said that you have to buy 3 As proof of identity.

Oh forgot to mention I had to scratch the back off and send them the picture of the numbers. I knew right from the beginning it was a scam. But the person that told me about it said she would buy me an itunes card I could pay her back when I got my money. I am gonna tell her you buy the cards for me and when I get my money ill pay you This almost exact thing happened to my mom.

Secrets for Sensitive People: Why Emotional Empaths Stay Lonely Tips for sensitive people to to feel at ease in a relationship. Posted Feb 08, There is a history of fraudsters using them for purposes of money-laundering, but recently this has grown into a scam that scares legions of victims into purchasing these cards. Mar 06,  · If you are gay or know many gays, chances are you saw “Together Alone,” Michael Hobbes’ longform essay on what he calls an “epidemic of gay loneliness,” show up in .