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He explains, "I was into tying up from an early age, but I didn't know how to put it into words. It was only recently that a friend got an inkling that I might be into bondage, and she signed me up to FetLife — that's how I found this class.

It's a tranquil space filled with soothing music and fluffy rugs, the walls lined with kimonos and cushions. But in the corner, there's a crate filled with ropes, and looking up, I see sturdy straps hanging from wooden beams. Shibari, for the uninitiated, is Japanese rope-binding, which is a form of bondage. While participants are welcome to be naked, " since nudity isn't unsafe we simply don't have a rule for it " everyone keeps their kit on.

I am pleased about this, because I'd rather not be bound with a rope that's rubbed against someone's backside. But the attire isn't all leather and latex. In fact, if you wandered in before anyone was bound, you might mistake the Rope Jam for a yoga class, such is the predilection for Lululemon leggings and loose printed cotton trousers getting an airing between Goa and Glasto.

I'd probably put money on at least one of the guys running a pop-up Beard Bar in Nunhead, selling artisan moustache wax made of oils secreted from his girlfriend's scalp during a head massage from monks in Tibet.

Shibari is, "geeky, very brainy, and it can be very intellectual," says Anna, who discovered it five years ago, towards the end of her PhD at UCL. I fell head over heels for it! As humans, we crave to be touched, and that's what rope is," Anna explains. I understand the need for closeness — I'm just not sure why there've got to be ropes involved.

Can't you just have a cuddle? Ben, who's been to several classes, explains, "Anna and Fred talk about the rope being an extension of your hands, so if you've got lots of rope, it's like you're giving them the biggest hug.

The session starts with a few ice-breakers to get us chatting to different people. Ellie, who's 41, is here for the first time.

She tells me later, "I enjoyed being tied up — I liked the sense of touch, and squeezing, and the rope brushing past my skin. She explains, "I want to learn the skills and technique, so I can tie other people, so they can experience it as well. He tells me he liked being tied because, "I like being touched gently," and he enjoyed the tying because, "I like the artistic side of the knots.

Ben and Bella also switch, "we take turns to practise on each other. That's the best part," says Ben, "especially today. I was tired and stressed, but now that's disappeared.

She says, "for me it's more a sensual thing — the sensations on your skin, the intimacy you can have with your partner. But while the class seems pretty innocuous, when I Google image search shibari, I'm hit by an abundance of naked women suspended from ceilings, trussed up with their legs tied apart, orifices available for penetration including their mouths, which are sometimes held open with a gag type contraption.

Is Shibari reinforcing the idea of women as passive sex objects? She tells me many women fantasise about submission.

So I don't think it's a patriarchal conspiracy to show images of women in positions of submission! That's a mainstream misconception. Submission can be powerful! But if you're all tied up, how can you stop someone taking advantage of you if they choose to?

And even with a respectful partner, do safe words really work? Talking it over with friends, one points out that, "freezing is an instinctive response to trauma, or boundaries being violated — plus the whole concept seems to ignore the aspect of social coercion and not wanting to be the one to say stop.

My friend Becky suggests that the popularity of these images owes less to a female audience than a male one: Another friend, Lisa, sees the pictures as, "part of the wider culture of female objectification," and thinks that while women may be looking at these images, "it doesn't mean that's what they want. The majority of women would only agree to be tied up like that because they want to please their partner or have been pestered, coerced or bullied into being "more adventurous" or acting out something he's seen online.

I'd asked Anna about this and she tells me, "it's an impossible question to answer," but offered this analogy: But I can tell you I like wearing a skirt. I feel empowered and free.

In the class, I work with a 22 year old Belgian guy who's been in London for two months. We are making a muddle of binding each other's wrists but he tells me he's enjoying it.

This is his first class but he's tried bondage and domination before, and he intends to come back to the Rope Jam. In this, my young Belgian rope buddy echoes other participants, two of whom have told me they're pansexual.

I'll call him Roger. Roger, who's 55, announces he's a dom and informs me he likes mind-fucks. He's here because his sub is desperate for him to learn shibari. I won't be able to do that, but I'll be able to hurt her," says Roger, who tells me he usually ties her up with buckles and whips her with a belt.

Unfortunately, Roger's sub was unable to join him at tonight's class. Roger is quite annoyed about this. Unable to snare a single woman, he resorts to pairing up with another guy. Luckily, other participants had more positive experiences. Kasia, who's in her 40s, is here for the sixth time. Originally from Poland, she's lived in London over 20 years.

She says, "I'd heard of shibari, so it was at the back of my mind, then I went to a workshop run by Anna at a Togetherness weekend. I don't find it easy but I will keep on doing it. Neil, 25, has just moved from zone 6 to zone 4 and sees this as an opportunity to explore London. So far he's ticked the boxes for nude swimming, and a BDSM club, and this is his second shibari session. I'm a carer so I want to understand someone's need for that fetish and why they're turned on by it.

I'm not turned on by it myself, but now I can understand why someone else would be. I'm preparing myself mentally and physically for when I meet someone, but it's also about awareness and understanding these things so I don't judge them. I've considered boyfriends lucky if I've changed the sheets and emptied the litter tray. The current one's meant to be eternally grateful that I've got him in some Gaviscon.

But perhaps my laissez-faire attitude explains why I don't "get" this shibari malarkey. It seems like an awful lot of effort and I wonder what it's all for. But hey, the people are lovely and they do a nice line in soothing music, so if you fancy a bit of bondage with a side order of hipster networking, Anatomie is a charming place to try it.

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Meet The Londoners With A Fetish For Being Tied Up | Londonist

You say that outside of the bedroom your girlfriend is "anything but submissive". Is it possible, therefore, that in the bedroom it is actually you who is dominated? After all, it is her desire and not yours, for a ritualised, fetishised sex that evidently dominates your sex life.

Non-human primate females commonly experience multiple orgasms during sex 1. Within a short space of time, oestrus females can have sex with many partners and experience cumulative orgasms. Any number of males could be the father of the resulting infant and with a mix of sperm from various males in her reproductive tract the strongest swimmer makes it to the ovum first. Many primate species, including humans, are sexually dimorphic; frequently the males are larger and more powerful. During a process of multiple matings the oestrus female may be raped by competing males she does not favour; yet she may experience an orgasm and an infant may also result.

Western science finally accepted that women experienced orgasms in 2. It was then theorised the female orgasm was uniquely human and evolved to encourage women to bond to their men. Until the early s it was widely assumed, by male primatologists, that the non-human female primate did not experience orgasm.

But women field primatologists studying wild apes and monkeys interpreted the sexual physiology of the female primate differently and accepted that orgasm occurs naturally and did not need to be proved.

Instead, they were interested in why the female orgasm had evolved. To settle the debate laboratory-based male scientists strapped captive female monkeys into ankle grips and dog harnesses 3.

They then stimulated the animal's clitoris and inserted an instrument, in place of a male macaque penis, into the animal's vagina. They observed the female monkeys experienced orgasm similarly to women. Three stages were noted, firstly an excitement phase in response to clitoral and vaginal stimulation, secondly a plateau phase where the monkey grunts, calls, makes an open mouthed face and reaches out, and finally a resolution phase, post orgasm, where the female tries to escape.

It has been suggested that sperm retention takes place via the biological function of the female orgasm aiding that particular male's chances of fertilising the ovum 4. It has been theorised that rape is an evolved reproductive strategy in male primates, including humans 5. From DNA data it has been estimated that 13th century Mongol emperor and war lord Gengis Khan has approximately 16 million male descents alive today 6.

Gengis and his sons and grandsons acquired thousands of women from conquered territories and enslaved them as concubines. Clearly those women did not choose Gengis, he chose them for their looks and virginity. But today, more than a thousand years later, because they were sexually dominated by a powerful man, the genes of the women who produced sons like Gengis proliferate in the region of the former Mongol empire.

During the first half of the menstrual cycle women's testosterone levels increase. By the time they ovulate their testosterone peaks and during the latter half of the cycle testosterone falls. Testosterone levels help to promote sex drive in both males and females, women's sexiness coinciding with their most fertile time.

Testosterone levels vary in women as they do in men. Research has shown that women higher in testosterone are more attracted to more macho behaviour in males 7 8. You don't say that your girlfriend wants you to restrain her and dominate her during her most fertile time of the month, but this may be the case. It may also be the case that your girlfriend has above average levels of testosterone, which may help facilitate a successful dominance in other spheres of her life.

But her dominating personality may prevent her from seeing herself as innately sexy or as the cultural stereotype of "feminine". It is possible for her to achieve a self-image as an alluring sexy female, she may perhaps wrongly believe she needs to play a submissive role. Studies on the sex lives of female primates have revealed that female homosexual behaviour is frequently favoured and that female primates can dominate sexual activity by initiating hetero and homosexual coitus, partaking in varied couplings and positioning and invariably experiencing orgasms 9.

The paraphernalia of handcuffs, rope and blindfolds used by modern humans during sex inflicts passivity and a removal of freedom of choice upon the restrained one. For self-reflective sophisticated communicators, which most humans are, sex of this sort becomes reductive and objectified. Shibari is, "geeky, very brainy, and it can be very intellectual," says Anna, who discovered it five years ago, towards the end of her PhD at UCL.

I fell head over heels for it! As humans, we crave to be touched, and that's what rope is," Anna explains. I understand the need for closeness — I'm just not sure why there've got to be ropes involved.

Can't you just have a cuddle? Ben, who's been to several classes, explains, "Anna and Fred talk about the rope being an extension of your hands, so if you've got lots of rope, it's like you're giving them the biggest hug.

The session starts with a few ice-breakers to get us chatting to different people. Ellie, who's 41, is here for the first time. She tells me later, "I enjoyed being tied up — I liked the sense of touch, and squeezing, and the rope brushing past my skin. She explains, "I want to learn the skills and technique, so I can tie other people, so they can experience it as well.

He tells me he liked being tied because, "I like being touched gently," and he enjoyed the tying because, "I like the artistic side of the knots.

Ben and Bella also switch, "we take turns to practise on each other. That's the best part," says Ben, "especially today. I was tired and stressed, but now that's disappeared. She says, "for me it's more a sensual thing — the sensations on your skin, the intimacy you can have with your partner.

But while the class seems pretty innocuous, when I Google image search shibari, I'm hit by an abundance of naked women suspended from ceilings, trussed up with their legs tied apart, orifices available for penetration including their mouths, which are sometimes held open with a gag type contraption.

Is Shibari reinforcing the idea of women as passive sex objects? She tells me many women fantasise about submission. So I don't think it's a patriarchal conspiracy to show images of women in positions of submission! That's a mainstream misconception.

Submission can be powerful! But if you're all tied up, how can you stop someone taking advantage of you if they choose to? And even with a respectful partner, do safe words really work?

Talking it over with friends, one points out that, "freezing is an instinctive response to trauma, or boundaries being violated — plus the whole concept seems to ignore the aspect of social coercion and not wanting to be the one to say stop. My friend Becky suggests that the popularity of these images owes less to a female audience than a male one: Another friend, Lisa, sees the pictures as, "part of the wider culture of female objectification," and thinks that while women may be looking at these images, "it doesn't mean that's what they want.

The majority of women would only agree to be tied up like that because they want to please their partner or have been pestered, coerced or bullied into being "more adventurous" or acting out something he's seen online. I'd asked Anna about this and she tells me, "it's an impossible question to answer," but offered this analogy: But I can tell you I like wearing a skirt.

I feel empowered and free. In the class, I work with a 22 year old Belgian guy who's been in London for two months. We are making a muddle of binding each other's wrists but he tells me he's enjoying it. This is his first class but he's tried bondage and domination before, and he intends to come back to the Rope Jam. In this, my young Belgian rope buddy echoes other participants, two of whom have told me they're pansexual. I'll call him Roger. Roger, who's 55, announces he's a dom and informs me he likes mind-fucks.

He's here because his sub is desperate for him to learn shibari. I won't be able to do that, but I'll be able to hurt her," says Roger, who tells me he usually ties her up with buckles and whips her with a belt. Unfortunately, Roger's sub was unable to join him at tonight's class.

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