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This post may contain affiliate links. I stole a quick glance at the photos that were mounted on the wall behind him. Four middle-aged White Dudes. All of them were bearded and balding.
All of them resembled the aging, stringy-haired members of the band Metallica. And all of them were pressed up against the model-thin bodies of a heavily made-up Japanese Beauty Queen. Furthermore, I was bilingual, well-traveled and college-educated. But as I realized a few weeks into my stay in Japan, I was also mysteriously, frustratingly invisible.
I asked for help reading restaurant menus and subway signs. My boss had been right. It was hard to be a single, western woman in Japan. I turned to the Internet for advice and was surprised to learn that the Dateless Western Woman was a familiar character in the expat world, at least judging from the score of postings on expat forums by lonely, single females.
But as wide-spread as the problem seemed to be, it was one that many women avoided talking about. The pervading theory though, among expats and Japanese alike, was that Japanese men were in fact attracted to western women but were just too intimidated to do anything about it.
Western women in Asia were like the Jennifer Anistons of the expat world. Strong, independent, assertive and outspoken, they were interesting to admire from afar, but no man would ever dream of striking up a conversation with one. Western women were so different, so foreign, they were virtually un-datable. Not true for their Y-chromosome-carrying expat buddies though. While the female expats spent Saturday nights alone, crying into their Ramen bowls, their male counterparts drank freely from the dating pool like they owned it.
Which in a way, they did. This would never happen anywhere else in the world. Because everywhere else, Barbie ends up with Ken, not his underemployed, socially-awkward, samurai-sword-collecting neighbor, Kevin. But in Asia, dating rules defy all logic or evolutionary law. In Asia, the nerd is king. Not that I wished it otherwise.
For the most part, I was happy for them. They were true success stories. Who could blame them for taking advantage of a magical loophole that allowed them to date women out of their league?
They were straight-forward and open-minded, for one thing. And through their Western, wire-rimmed eyes, they viewed relationships as an equal partnership, which was something the more traditional, close-minded of Japanese men still struggled to do.
I figured that so long as they treated their girlfriends well and both partners were happy with the arrangement, what did it matter if their peculiar quirks and bizarre comments got lost in translation a little? Even the socially awkward deserved to love and be loved. But it was hard not to feel jealous. They were like kids in a candy store. The Japanese women were gourmet truffles, while the western women were the three-year-old tootsie rolls melted to the bottom of the barrel.
The Japanese men might have been frightened of us but the other expat men just flat-out ignored us. But they were the minority. Most western women came to Japan single and stayed that way. I inwardly congratulated myself for having beat the odds. But as I trudged home to face another evening of reruns of The Office and left-over sushi from , I wondered at what cost. Most days I felt unattractive, unwanted and worst of all, unfemale.
When not even a short skirt or slinky top attracted more than a passing glance and even construction workers, who could usually be counted on for a leer, regarded me with bored, blank expressions, I felt like a Martian.
And very, very alone. Wow Reannon, this is the most bitter but bloody honest read I have seen for months since I came to Japan in early June.
I feel for your lonely experience as a foreigner and a female in this country. I find that entitlement attitude about sex is prevalent among all westerns. Western men come to Asia believing that because they are white males they are entitled to sex with Asian women. White women come to Asia feeling bitter because they have to compete against local Asian women for western men attention but look down on local Asian men.
Hmm…are we racist there? Why do white people have this superior complex and entitlement attitude. But as for the white women looking down on Asian men, that is likely just hypergamy.
But if it ever becomes trendy do so, white girls will be flooding Asian countries. They only care about what the man can do for them. White men are not going to countries like Japan thinking there entitled to sex form women. How silly and insecure for your to think that. Asian women openly mock Asian men and white men do it too https: Proof God does indeed have a sense of humor. The only problem being they are a JOKE of epic proportions that stopped being funny a long, long time ago. Do you include your mother in that statement?
Poor little Frank must have been hurt badly in the past. I came to Japan for the first time 7 years ago when I was I mean, last time some total stranger tried to hit on me was like the day before yesterday. I even speak the Fukuoka dialect. But feels so weird that our experiences are the exact opposite. Whyra you sound like a total bimbo to me because trying to dress like a Japanese girl and think you are pretty is just shallow.
Whenever I see white girls trying to imitate Japanese girls, it makes me think less of them. So you are basically a promiscuous person who attracting other people through sex. Oh, by the way, for a woman to have tons of sexual partners is not difficult. Ahahaha…look at the haters here. First, you either have to be born attractive or spend money on overpriced make-up.
Then you have to have the perfect body which any woman rarely has. Then you have to buy overpriced good-looking clothes. Double standard slut-shaming right there. Men are not entitled to judge women on how they feel about themselves and how comfortable they are about their sex lives. I found your descriptions very reassuring as I am about to go on a three-month trip, financed via filming for an indy movie there.
We were giving the option of staying longer after the shoot ends but I was a bit worried how I might be viewed as a western women alone there. At least now, I have some better idea of how I can dress and act and still have a social life while away. Any other advice welcome! You sound like a girly girl who is comfortable with her femininity. This is attractive to men anywhere in the world. It shows how warped Western culture has become.
The truth is they are only low status in her warped world view, which judges men on very shallow criteria. These women have been well-raised and learned to look beyond the surface for what is truly valuable in a partner, and they consider the Western men to be a good catch.
The feeling is mutual — the white Western men who end up with Asian chicks do not in any way consider it a consolation prize, they are sick and tired of the entitled attitude and unreasonable expectations of Western women and regard Asian women as superior in every way. This is the harsh reality that the author skirts around. Western women are widely seen as defective across the rest of the civilized world. I wrote this while in Japan last year…at a time when I was feeling pretty discouraged.
Japan is obsessed with youth, fashion,and overall attractiveness. Unfortunately for the author she has none of those qualities. Combined with her arrogance and self entitlement, who would date her? Either she gets with the program and understand that she is average at best and will never pull a Japanese man, or just take a plane to Jamaica and call it a day lol.
I understand the article. Clearly ones own experience. Comment either agreeing or not agreeing. And how did her looks get into this? What do you have against Metallica? You sound like a typical western entitled delusional feminist. You are not the gift to humanity dear. Overall you look average at best./p>
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